“The Holy Spirit became real to me. He began ministering to me the scales fell off my eyes and the devils head in the natural was symbolically cut off- he could no longer deceive me. My eyes were opened.”
An email from my father (Steven) came through on the morning of April 20th 2015, I had been suffering from an eating disorder, severe oppression straight from hell. I was in a place of distress and I was so deceived that I was too scared to ask someone human for help.
God came at me, there was a war for me. A war for MY SOUL. He used My Dad to minister to me. Without knowing it. This was the first step. The first time the HOLY SPIRIT became real, I didn’t yet know who He was or what He was even, but HIS PRESENCE consumed that room. It broke off the scales on my eyes. I didn’t know Him yet but I knew that I wanted Him in my life.
For another month I had a hard time, struggling with addiction and BOUND by fear. However I knew He was there. He was there to help. When HE arrives darkness HAS to leave. I hated what I was doing but I didn’t know HOW to stop- but HE did.
On the night of May 10 2015,
I was lying in my bed at 37kg’s ( I am 159cm) and I could feel my heart beat. It was slow and almost non-existent. I would constantly have to sit up or cough as my heart would beat so irregularly.
I had NEVER called out for help. NEVER.
I had been deceived by the devil. He had made sin look so great then once I had partaken in it, he would torment me with GUILT, SHAME and CONDEMNATION- that is why I never cried out, that’s why I never asked for help. I was hiding, I was ashamed.
But that night was different, The comforter was with me. As I began to feel more and more helpless, as my body felt as if it was finally giving up. He told me to cry out to HIM.
I broke down and I admitted I was wrong, I asked God to please help me, I didn’t know HOW but I asked Him PLEASE JUST HELP,
In that moment, I surrendered, pure surrender – I knew my way was never going to work. It was no longer me struggling but I gave Him way to work. My life was His and HIS alone. Pure Love, Grace and Mercy entered the room as I fell asleep, peacefully for the entire night for the first time in almost 6 months.
The next day was my last day working at the Indaba.
I was so thin at this point, my mother had brought me padded underwear just so that my tiny jeans would fit onto my frail body.
I was addicted to laxatives, I would take up to 60+ a day while not eating. But this was just the way that the oppression had manifested in my life. For 4 years I had believed a lie: That my value was in my beauty, that I had to preserve my physical beauty. Just like anything of the world, it is great when it starts but once you use that thing as your well, you realise the water is poisoned. Losing weight become my well, it made me feel good at first but I though I could drink from the ear tickling compliments of people for the rest of my life- I was so wrong . I realised that in pursuing their approval they eventually disapproved.
I was then too caught up in the self destructive actions I had done to get their approval that I couldn’t stop by myself.
While getting ready I would usually take the boxes of empty laxatives out with me to throw away, I felt that I should rather leave them in my cupboard where all the books that I would plan and write weightless schemes in were- I did this, I left the boxes there and I left to work.
The Lord led my mother to my room, to the cupboard where the empty boxes were and the books of obsessive, automatic writing with plans of destruction was. The Lord used my mother to find the plans of the enemy.
When I came home that night, before even going into my room, I felt that they knew. I felt that they had found out.
I asked them: “did you find the stuff in my room?”
My mom answered: “Yes”
Surrender.
She asked: “ Are you unhappy?”
I answered: “I am SO GLAD” I was brought to tears.
Surrender. I didn’t want that anymore, The Holy Spirit had helped me realize that there is another way, Gods way, and I wanted His way, not my own.
My mother and Father filled with The Holy Spirit were able to discern which demons had been oppressing me.
That night they brought me through a prayer of deliverance, with their guidance I spoke The Truth into the physical atmosphere and the demonic stronghold were broken. I re-committed my life to God and I asked the Holy Spirit to live in me. To consume my being.
He did.
He did.
My journey of recovery was not short.
i fear into me, but with the help of the Holy Spirit He restored me. still threw everything that he could at me. The negative thoughts of recovery were constant and the enemy would try to instill fear into me, but with the help of the Holy Spirit- I am restored.
He first restored my mind, He would point out lies that I had believed and reveal truth to me.
He guided me through recovery.
I didn’t have a psychologist or a help group, or even anyone around me who had gone through what I had. But The Holy Spirit is the HELPER. I didn’t need anyone to help and He wanted me to not only know that but to UNDERSTAND that.
He knew what was best for me, He guided me and as I began to listen to His voice more and more I was able to cling to HIM over others. I began to trust in HIS voice above the voice of a human. He knew I needed that process, He was teaching me, teaching me that HIS voice is more precious than that of a man. HIS GUIDANCE in every situation is THE ONLY way, the PERFECT way. He restored me, 1000 fold stronger in Spirit and in truth than ever before.
Comments